Lori Alexander, a married Christian woman who's also known through her blog The Transformed Wife, is warning married women that their desire to control their husbands through a matriarchal spirit using sex, an insistence on being right, always “having the last word” and others means could lead to the destruction of their marriage.
“We don’t use sex to manipulate our husbands. We don’t deprive our husbands sexually. We give it to him willingly and freely because we love pleasing our husbands. So women, rid yourself of that matriarchal spirit today. Just give it to the Lord. It’s an idol in your life. It’s hurting your marriage, could potentially destroy your marriage. Begin building your husband up. Respect his opinions. Stop arguing with him. You don’t need the last word. You don’t need to be right, and you’ll be shocked at how much better your marriage is and how much happier your husband is,” Alexander, who has been married to her husband since 1980, warned in a video shared on YouTube Sunday.
According to Daughters of Promise, the matriarchal or Jezebel spirit “uses seduction, womanly wiles, or sexual means to control men. If those don’t work, it uses shame and sarcasm, scorn and arrogance.” This spirit, according to the ministry, “specifically targets the weak and the wounded, the hurt, rebellious and rejected. It uses flattery, smooth words, ‘prophecies’ and tears to seduce these targets out from under authority.”
“Most women,” says Alexander, have the matriarchal spirit.
The grandmother of nine, who is a mentor to women, has been featured in publications such as USA Today. She says she suffered 23 difficult years in her marriage but turned things around using “God’s principles” and believes older women must share their wisdom with younger ones.
“My ministry is based upon Titus 2:3-5 in which God commands that older women teach younger women to be sober, love and obey their husbands, love their children, be chaste, discreet, good, and keepers at home,” she writes on her blog.
In her message to women on Sunday, she insisted that the Bible doesn’t endorse the “matriarchal spirit.”
“Women, I just want to encourage you today to get rid of your matriarchal spirit. God is a God of patriarchy. He created Adam first, and that’s why we’re not to preach or teach in the churches, because that’s His authority structure. It has nothing to do with value, but it has to do with order. Just like in I Corinthians 14, right before God tells women to be silent in the churches — and it’s a shame for women to speak in the churches, and if they have a question, they need to ask their husbands at home — right before that verse, it says that God is not a God of confusion but a God of order,” she added.
“And His order is that women need to be quiet in churches and men are to be the leaders, preachers, pastors and teachers. And the order in the home is the husband is supposed to be the head over the wife, the leader of the home. And we are supposed to reverence our husband, respect their leadership, submit to them and even obey them,” she continued.
“We don’t need to be right. If you are always insisting on being right and having the last word, you will never have a good marriage. This absolutely tears down marriage ... this matriarchal spirit that we women can so easily have. It belittles our husbands. It emasculates them. It causes them to feel unworthy. … It’s like the verse that says that we tear our homes down with our hands. This is one of the greatest ways that we tear homes down, is by being in control, having to have the last word, being right.”
She further argued that the “matriarchal spirit” isn’t feminine and it’s the “opposite” of what God wants women to be.
“Being right doesn’t matter! God doesn’t care that you are right. God doesn’t care that you are right. He cares that you’re submissive and that you have a meek and quiet spirit. Being a mate, having a matriarchal spirit, is completely the opposite of having a meek and quiet spirit. Being a mate, having a matriarchal spirit is completely the opposite of having a meek and quiet spirit that’s precious in the sight of God. It’s the opposite of being feminine. It’s the opposite of what God wants us to be,” she said.